Speaking of Life...

7.1.05

Open Water

Decided I'd try a new color... matches my totally groovy-delic new sidebar!!! Hanyways, I am not here to discuss the color gray and how it has invaded my sidebar. I am here to tell you that I almost died of movie-poisoning tonight. It's kinda like food poisoning... like you eat bad food and get sick, well you watch a bad movie and get...errrr... not sick but totally disgusted with yourself for wasting 2 hours of your life. Ok this is a summary in full detail. Brace yourselves lasses/lads.

Ok. There's this couple that takes a vacation to some tropical place *how cliche* and take scuba lessons. They get separated from the rest of the group, and in a very confusing way that I will not explain, they were missed in the head count and the boat left, leaving them in "open water" hence the name. Then they just start drifting... and floating... and bobbing around in the ocean. They see about 5 rescue boats but are lazy frigging bums and just wave their arms at them to get their attention which of course did not work. Then they get stung by a jellyfish. Then the husband says the f word about... I believe I counted... 6 times? And they continue bobbing around in the ocean. Then they see a couple more boats, and choose not to swim to them because, I guess, they are stupid lazy frigging bums. Then they continue bobbing and during this time they meet up with about 10 different sharks, who all choose not to eat them. Finally they get a sucker who chomps on the girl's leg, and she flips out because
  1. she got bit by a shark.
  2. there's a little guppy thing running into her leg. I think it had head problems.

Then they get in their big classic cliche movie couple argument during which the poor confused woman says "WELL WE ARE WHERE WE ARE, AREN'T WE???" Thank you, Captain Obvious. Then they meet yet ANOTHER shark who doesn't eat them, but they don't know he won't so they make up and say "I love you" and all that crap. Then they see like 2 or 3 MORE rescue boats and once again start bobbing like the true blue idiots they are. Then the wife finds some candy in her jacket and they eat it and like totally flip out and the husband goes "I'VE NEVER TASTED ANYTHING SO GOOD IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then they have a 5 minute interlude of MORE BOBBING. And finally the husband dies of hypothermia or something and the wife lets him drift away while watchig him being consumed by sharks... then she gets to this part with like 80 sharks and basically just lets them eat her.

I swear I've never felt such a complete waste of my life before. Not even when I watch those Twighlight Zone marathons...

I also forgot to mention that I watched this movie with my parents and I was re-enacting the scenes by just kind of bobbing my head up and down and saying *in a Ben Stein voice* "oooh. a boat. let's wave at it." "nonono lets swim to it." "thats stupid, what if our other boat comes back." I swear they were THE WORST actors I had ever seen in my LIFE. The highlight of the movie was when I peeled an orange because I got hungry.

So in conclusion, just don't watch that movie. You might as well just collect dust particles and name them all and then arrange them in a box by alphabetical order. It'll be much more entertaining... in fact I wish I had thought of that earlier... poo.

Alright you all probably want to shoot me for actually publishing the summary of the movie so I think I'll just go move to Beijing now. Toodles!!!

Mucho Love-o,

Flolio

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